The New York area had a “Snowstorm Watch” in effect on a day that I intended to skip work and travel through the catskills to “upstate New York” for a job fair at an organization I have started glorifying as the “dream place to work” in an area that would “increase my quality of life.”
How much of this is me being tired of working in a shithole most people call Da Bronx, me being tired of paying half my paycheck to rent, or me moving closer to a boy is yet to be known. I am pretty sure it is mostly me being tired of here though.
So, snow storm begun, I had to first finish training on how to make some model airplanes (different story for different time) and then head out of town.
Not one to be deterred, I decided to leave the night OF the storm…to save me from traveling through the heart of it. Or, that was, at least, my theory.
About two hours into the trip I started hitting heavy snow. No worries – I threw on some The Offspring and slowed my roll a tad. Then, it got treacherous. Very poor visibility and steep, steep cliffs in pitch black night makes this little girl a ball of nerves. I gotta hand it to my Subaru – she was a champ.
I made it to the interview. Rocked it. Hope I get the job but now a series of serious questions are consuming me. What if I do get the job? Am I ready to move? Dread sets in of having to talk to my current administrators. Ah, here are the real problems. FEAR. Fear that someone will stop me. Fear that it won’t all work out. Fear of asking, no, demanding what I want and expecting no less.
I can’t live by fear. Or the idea that I have to meet someone else’s expectations over my own desires. So my boss will be unhappy. They will get over it. So I have to try to find someone to take my apartment. If it doesn’t happen right away I will have to deal.
The big thing is whether all this stress and fear is worth it?
Will I choose to pull through, grit my teeth and make it happen?
You bet your ass I will.