I have been dreading turning thirty my entire life. When I was around 7, my mom had this awesome shirt that said, “29 and holding.” It was 1988 and my mom sported that sparkly iron-on shirt proudly usually accompanied by a bandana tied around her forehead. I asked her what the shirt meant and she said, “It means I’m not going to get old.” Since then, I’ve stuck to her motto: I’m not going to get old.
Speaking of awesome 1980’s tshirts…check out this one that my dad used to wear:
My parents have always been young. And FUN. I wanted to be like THAT. So, I vowed to never get old and forgot all about it. I played with Barbies, skied the mountains, traveled the world and then…somewhere after I turned 25 I realized….fuck, man…I don’t have a choice. I’m GOING TO GET OLD….
I’m not going to lie. I started panicking after turning 29. Twenty-nine was a rough year for me (E. Coli, break up, Master’s degree graduation with no job, etc etc etc) and I was going to hit thirty with NOTHING of what I thought I would have had.
I had a crisis. I started looking at old people with contempt. And by old, I mean anyone 30 – 45. I started cursing teenage boys who looked at me like their MOM. I would panic when someone asked me my age. I started defending my youth. I think once I even cried. I was freaking out…man.
No matter what I did, thirty was still coming. And then all of a sudden, it was here. It was happening (scream!). I met up with friends for dinner and somewhere between my first mango margarita and the second, I realized something kind of important: I had eleven of my great and good friends around me, a wonderful man who loves me by my side and I was pretty cool. Ya. Me. I am cool. Holy cow, was I finally over the angst of my 20’s?!? I was in that new realm of, “I am 30, hear me…philosophize?”
I shrugged, took off my down vest and the fun began. Several drinks later, we headed over to the only “dance club” in town. This is where I decided to let loose. Then, something happened. There was this euphoric moment of, “Yea, bitches! I’m thirty!” and I just couldn’t hold it inside.
That’s right. That’s me. IN GLOWSTICKS.